Ah, the joys of insomnia!
I am a closet insomniac, or maybe it’s an insomniac-Lite. No, more accurately what affects me would be better called a part-time insomnia, because that’s really how it works. I’ve been this way for so long that I can’t remember exactly when it started. By part-time I mean that it comes and goes, kind of like rainy days here on the coast; some days I sleep so soundly that it would take a hand grenade to wake me up (I think so, because to the best of my knowledge no one has ever had to toss a grenade my way to wake me!). Other days I can barely sleep at all. It tends to be cyclic in nature, as in it comes and goes. (Yawn!) Here’s hoping that this phase of the cycle ends soon since I’ve managed to sleep about ten hours in three days.
It’s not a chemically induced insomnia, at least, not in the years that it’s been since I did that kind of thing. It’s not from drinking too much caffeine as I haven’t had any coffee in nine hours or more, no tea and no soda pop. It’s not caused by hammering down the Red Bulls either, because I stay away from that stuff. It’s not from my medications since I only take one of those when I’ve been awake for about three or four hours and that was last night at about two AM. It’s all natural, 100% organic insomnia.
Part of this current cycle is probably due to my sleep cycle being thrown off by my fiance’s new schedule, which is graveyard shift, and I’ve been used to a pretty regular sleep schedule of midnight to 7:30 AM for the past ten years, and most of the numerous jobs that I held over the years have been day jobs (and yes, I did give up my day job, just so I can pester people on the Internet). No, logically I should able to sleep at night while she works and be up all day while she sleeps, but that hasn’t worked out very well. You see, I seem to have issues with sleeping in an empty house – that’s when things crawl around looking for prey, things like the bogeyman and the banshee (although technically I’d have to die for her to come and the ticker just keeps on ticking). It’s the time when the aliens come and snatch people out of their beds so they can poke at their bodies with sharp instruments. It’s the time when I should be bloody well sleeping but I’m not. And I’m not scared of the dark as long as I don’t stub my toe on the clothes hamper or bark my shin on the bedframe. So I try to sleep during the day and work around the house and blog at night.
(Yawn! That’s two…)
What usually happens when I try to sleep are as follows: I crawl into bed and get comfortable, then I shift positions, then in a few minutes I shift again, this time accompanied by a heavy sigh of frustration. Soon eyes that were nearly glued shut are wide open and I’m just laying there listening to my thoughts whirl around inside of my head. It’s as if the sheep I should be counting are chasing each other’s tail’s, faster and faster as if they were spinning down into a black hole, which is exactly where I would like to send them. Chase, chase, chase! Run, run,run! Fly, fly, fly! After a couple or three hours of this, during which time I have sorted out the the answer to the Middle Eastern question, reorganized things throughout the house, planned blogs and plotted novels, I drift off into a light sleep for maybe 2-4 hrs before I’m wide awake again. And this is day after day until my body reaches the point of complete exhaustion and I could sleep standing up (which I’ve done before!) and I finally crash and get a day or two of decent 8-10 hour sleep before the cycle starts again. Aarrgh!
Oh well, when I was young and in the Navy I was able to go for weeks on end with about 3-4 hours sleep at night and still work my tail off on the ship and party it off when I was out in town, but hey, I was in my early twenties then. That stuff isn’t so easy once you’ve passed the standard speed limit in years! And I don’t even party anymore!
I don’t have an answer to the problem, just gripes, so if any of you have any great ideas other than pumping myself full of Thorazine I’d love to hear them. And if this entry tended to wander up to the gates of insanity at any point, I apologize, but hey, I’m working under sleep-deprived conditions so…
(Yawn!) That’s three and I’m going to run with it. Wish me luck! Maybe I can still salvage a good four hour nap before the alarm goes off to get Mama off to work. I’m hoping…